India 101 – Quick Guide For Indians and Foreigners Alike

While researching for this post, I  first asked  fellow blogger,  regarding their perception of India, and I did get a overwhelming response from everyone. Do look at the footnote with a shout out to all of you, all the people who, helped me with this post. I have tried to step out of the concept of being an Indian and looked at us, here are some observations, you may agree and may disagree, but will definitely hope you enjoy this… Enough with the introduction. Finally, please do visit the Bearman cartoons, the official cartoon editorial person for this post and a really Wonderful Cartoonist and is great Blogger .

1. All Indian do have a funny accent, when we speak in English, and for those who fake the accent its even worst, only exception are people who are born and brought up outside, India who have zero trace of accent.
2. Indians did invent the zero, but seriously guys, get over it, its not like we cured cancer, or something.
3. We have ‘1 hospital bed per 1000 people’ here but we do enjoy a massive incoming medical tourism from across the globe for cheaper medical facility, also, we may not agree but there are 5-8 million AIDS patients in India, and we don’t even have sex.
4. Even though, India is the largest democracy in the world, the 6th largest Country in the world. We have been have being duped for past 63 years into believing we are democratic nation, the funny thing is we have been ruled by Gandhi’s for better part of the 60+ years.
5. Speaking of dynasties, George VI of the United Kingdom, was the last Emperor of India, does, BJP know this?
6. First king who, fucked it up was Shah Alam II  .
7. Indian did invent the game of Chess  and we are played everyday by our political leaders, religious wrath lords , Cops,  business….
8. India claimed to be a sovereign country and we cut throats and destroy lives based on the ever funny question “Who has a better imaginary friend”.
9. Swastika is often confused with Nazi symbol which is a very auspicious symbol for Indian, with Hinduism as their faith.
10. Indian ranks #1 with $1.456 trillion of undocumented money or Black Money. We are  a poor county
11. Outsourcing is more of a curse than a boon to Indian economy, but since its easier math with outsourcing, it is considered as first business of most of the Indian entrepreneurs, yes, including , Infy. TCS , Wipro.
12. Indian music industry and plagiarism is nothing new, but if  you think Anu Malik is bad, you’ll be surprised classics like OP Nayyar and A R Rahman also, have had there share for Inspirations.
13. Most of the articles of Indian origin, on Wikipedia are heavily biased, either by corporate or by people not from India, if you read about the British Raj Article on Wikipedia, it will seem as if we had extended open invitation to be colonialzed
14. Studies show that 6/10 movies, from collective Indian Cinema industry are either scene by scene copy or inspired by foreign cinema, that is pretty low for a nation of billion people.
15. Slumdog Millionaire wouldn’t have won anything if it were directed by an Indian fellow, the sooner Indian will face this fact the easier it will be to sleep over it
16. Politicians in India earn a huge tax inflow from alcohol and cigarettes, still they condemn it each time it comes up
17. Tea is a preferred drink in India, which was a gift from our colonial masters, like the bad education system, drained assets like gold, diamonds and A wonderful bureaucratic system, we strive in today.
18. India does have a lot to thanks the NRI’s for people like Gandhiji and  the first serial killer Charles Sobhraj, yes he too was an NRI without whom Indian would be incomplete.
19. In all the Indian newspapers, only The Hindu is worth your time, attention, and rest are mostly garbage in and garbage out.
20. ‘Frontline’ is the World most underrated Indian magazine, which actually is quite good, considering the alternative.
21. Article 377 was another gift from British raj, and we still follow it, Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code a piece of legislation in India introduced during British rule of India used to criminalize homosexual activity
22. Lakmé is an Indian brand of cosmetics which was started by Tata’s because of a personal request of the then Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru idea of Women’s Liberation, Yay… No wonder, even with the most powerful Indian being a women, crimes against women have only increased.
23. Coca-Cola was thrown from India for not being Indian enough and now govt. is preparing a drink with cow’s urine and I just can’t get no satisfaction
24. Jammu & Kashmir were actually great tourist destination, like Paris or Switzerland and people; had to book accommodation/tickets in advance, before terrorism, screwed the beauty and serenity of the valley.
25. Simple Kissing in public in India has a fine ranging from a “full fledged mass protest” outside your home to 200 Rs ( $4) fine depending on the lips, I guess
26. Indian Army is the world’s second largest force and they all deserve each bit of our sincerest wishes, after all it is they who lay their lives in the battle field and not politicians, who should in, my opinion should serve at-least for 5 years, to understand the value of a human life.
27. Indian women wear Nighties more often than Saris.
28. In most southern parts of India and  some northern , Lungies or dhotis are preferred. It is hot after all and we are hairy, except may be people who work for movies.
29. Despite all the purdah and ghoonghat for women, young women are seen tying and retying their saris at ISBT (InterState BusDepot, Delhi) and at Railway platforms, and also are seen bathing by the road sides, … they probably don’t  know 50% (atleast) Indians do not have toilets, and yet, history has it we installed  the first toilet.
30. Each state in India has a very different language. It is like a different country at every border. In reality 70% of Indians have a language other than Hindi and we all don’t speak that too.. Take me for instance, I can speak 5 Indian languages and understand 5 more, brilliant right. However, do not go by head nodding of an Indian, we will have the same nod for yes, no, and maybe so, kindly adjust.
31. We love saving plastic covers, cartons, and packets and cover everything with a cloth or preferably, plastic cover, we hate to remove the plastic cover from our car seats… (the seats will get dirty)… and store old TV boxes etc. It is just typical of us.
32. We rank really high in corruption too, I mean, we even misused the Red Cross funds meant for Kargil soldiers , so that is how low we can get. BTW, I have personally bribed a cop with 20Rs ( 40 Cents ). You get the Idea.
33. Indians think environment hazards are something, which happens only in a developed countries.
34. We are the global dumping ground for everything from jeans, cars, medicines, rejected and inferior graded brands in Europe….. Due to import quality control and obviously you can bribe us we are cheap and easy. Also,Tata’s the most respected brand makes two versions of auto rickshaw , one for Indian Market and one for Other markets, as other Asian markets don’t take the Indian made crap due to there environmental and safety regulations
35. In Indian context, after you have paid you are a moron and no one care, consumer rights is a myth in India.
36. We have ban on Sex Education by many Indian states, we think taking and reading about sex will make us promiscuous and malign our culture, we would rather keep child molestation, rape, pedophiles, spousal abuse, physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse under the blankets of … but we never talk about it.
37. We still vote on lines of caste and religion
38. We always offer water, tea, coffee, sherbet and something to  eat to all our guest, no matter who you are and what time it is, except may be Salespeople, stray dogs and politicians.
39. India has the largest Postal network in the world with 1,55,618 Post Offices at the end of the financial year i.e. 31.3.2003 including 1,39,081 Post Offices in rural areas.
40. We stay with our parents even after marriage, generally, folks in US  and Europe think that it is crazy, but it is what it is.
41. We don’t have a lot of Snake Charmers and Elephants, may be Elephants, but that stereotype need to go through a change, you can stereotype us with a lot of call centers, tea, or something cool, why the Jumbo!
42. Folks in US and UK, don’t get mad at me, but we and Chinese did led the world in gross GDP for 3000 years till the British came to India and stole took away snatched exchanged most of it, for the miserly.
43. We along with China are the two richest countries in natural resources, that is one of the main reasons why there is so much population in this Asian landscape… All the wanderers who came here settled here!! The Mongolian’s and Aryans took the two most rewarding places on this planet as far as natural resources are concerned. The Turks tried to come in however they only managed to get some parts of India, and they largely settled in the Indian Subcontinent. This is the most significant reason for the high population, as there were more resources and less hardship the concentration of people happened and then they kept reproducing… and you know the rest.
44. India receives 20 inches of fresh rainfall each year… meaning almost 2 feet under water, this is an unbelievable gift we have…. However the utilization has left a lot to be desired, In spite of all these rivers, dams and bloody three oceans, water is being distributed in Tankers under police protection, go figure.
45. Indians in general are violent and mob rules, not right or wrong, just rules.
46. We will do almost anything for money
47. Most of the cases, Indians will give more importance to family over friends.
48. We are not health-conscious, yet.
49. We are born crooks…They spend a lot of time thinking of ways to cheat people and the system for personal gain.
50. Indians are not generally humorous people.
51. When we says, India never invaded any country in its last 100000 years of history,  remember we never got a chance, because, we were fighting internally over petty issues like, caste, religions, what women should wear, how my state is great….
52. The name ‘India’ is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the early settlers. The Aryan worshipers referred to the river Indus as the Sindhu. The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name ‘Hindustan’ combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus.
53. The game of Snakes & Ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called ‘Mokshapat’. The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices. The game was played with cowries shells and dices. In time, the game underwent several modifications, but its meaning remained the same, i.e. good deeds take people to heaven and evil to a cycle of re-births.
54. The largest employer in the world is the Indian Railways, employing over a million people.
55. The value of “pi” was first calculated by the Indian Mathematician Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century, long before the European mathematicians. Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus also originated in India.Quadratic Equations were used by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10*53 (i.e. 10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 B.C.during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Terra: 10*12(10 to the power of 12).
56. Until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds in the world.
57. The Baily Bridge is the highest bridge in the world. It is located in the Ladakh valley between the Dras and Suru rivers in the Himalayan mountains. It was built by the Indian Army in August 1982.
58. Ushruta is regarded as the Father of Surgery. Over2600 years ago Sushrata & his team conducted complicated surgeries like cataract, artificial limbs, cesareans, fractures, urinary stones, plastic surgery and brain surgeries.
59. The Vishnu Temple in the city of Tirupathi built in the 10th century, is the world’s largest religious pilgrimage destination. Larger than either Rome or Mecca, an average of 30,000 visitors donate $6 million (US) to the temple everyday.
60. India provides safety for more than 300,000 refugees originally from Sri Lanka, Tibet, Bhutan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh, who escaped to flee religious and political persecution.
61. Yoga & Martial Arts were first created in India, and later spread to Asia by Buddhist missionaries. which proves my point India is good at creating stuff but not so good in marketing/ IP protection.
62. The first reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra India?
63. World may be surprised that Indian national sport is not Cricket its hockey and no one cares.
64. One good and bad thing about India is we are open to every change and embrace everything with open arm, even if it hurts at first and then get used to it.  But, still this country is because of few of those,  who dare to fight odds  for the most basic rights.

Please don’t take this too seriously it is more for entertainment purpose than educational.

Shout out to: Bearman, Poonam, IHM, Indyeah, Solilo, Dhiren, Quirky Indian, Ajit, Bones, Nita, Nimmy, American Desi, Goofy Mumma, All of you. Thanks, Niki for reading this and giving suggestions, once in your life, you did read what I wrote